


Devil may cry one shots

by ZA_Black92



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Death, Dimension Travel, Grim Reapers, Jealousy, Multi, One Shot Collection, Romance, Sin Devil Trigger (Devil May Cry), Smut, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:47:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22797298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZA_Black92/pseuds/ZA_Black92
Summary: A collection of Devil may cry one shots that pop into my head! All of these were Originally posted on my Tumblr: HarveyWabbit-Writtings
Relationships: Dante (Devil May Cry)/Reader, Nero (Devil May Cry)/Reader, Vergil (Devil May Cry)/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 74





	1. Happy Death day to you Vergil's version

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dead Like me AU

_It was raining heavily Y/n sniffled as she hugged her arms, Her wet h/c hair was matted to her face and her blue dress was soaked and stuck to her skin._

_She was just so angry she stormed out of Vergil’s house without a jacket, 2 years they’ve been together! and not once has the white haired man ever told her he loved her or even hinted that he would want a future with her!_

_Tonight was turning point it was their anniversary, Y/n had planned this dinner for months! they argued and..and he choose his job and another woman over her! She saw that blond in black corset and leather pants waiting outside looking smug..before driving off._

_Y/n made her decision right then and there…Her and Vergil were through! She left her key to his house on the front steps she’d send for her things later so she wouldn’t have to see him…_

_The distraught woman sat in a bus shelter, her red and tired eyes scanned the schedule then looked both ways the streets were empty only the sound of the rain was there to keep the lonely woman company, Then there was a new sound Y/n’s ears strained to focus on it…Footsteps. Her e/c looked out into the darkness through the rain she saw him. A man he scruffy looking was in a prison jumpsuit stained red._

_She felt a chill go down her spine when she recalled the news about the escaped murderer, but she was sure they caught him. He looked up from where he was standing and smiled in way that was almost un-natural as he slowly took a step forward towards her…_

_Y/n’s survival instincts kicked in and she took off running with the man hot on her heels…She dared not look back as she turned into an alley only to be met by a brick wall! The last sensation Y/n felt was a large hand grabbing her shoulder…_

A group of teenagers found what was left Y/n that morning…Soon the alley was closed off the crime scene was set up, When Dante opened his door that same morning he was confused to find two police officers standing on his front steps looking grim.

“Are you Vergil Sparda?”

“No I’m his brother Dante, is everything alright?”

“Sir, Do you know a Y/n S/n?”

“Yeah she’s my brother’s girlfriend… Why, is she in trouble?”

The two officer decided it was best if Vergil heard it from his brother then from strangers. “I sorry sir, She’s dead…last night a dangerous convict had escaped..” The officers left as a lightheaded Dante walked over to his phone and called Vergil and Trish.

_[“…left her alone on your anniversary, are you thick?!]_ ” He heard the she-demon yell at his brother, Dante winced fuck it was Y/n & Verge’s anniversary yesterday.. "What Dante?!“ his brother snapped as his twin swallowed trying to breathe, Was he seriously doing this over the phone? Yes he was.

"Verg..You need to come home,now!” Dante said sternly as he brother began to protest as he and Trish were in the middle of a job. “Vergil! It’s Y/n, something happened I’m sorry…She’s gone.” the younger twin’s voice was getting hoarse, There was a few seconds of silence when a portal opened in the DMC’s office as Vergil and Trish walked through it. the blond could already tell something horrible had happened the Dante’s aura was listless and forlorn.

“Where is she? did she leave a note?” Vergil huffed assuming his brother meant Y/n had run off, He went to reach for the door Dante tried to stop him. last night the rain had covered up the smell of blood, now it had stopped…A harsh wind blew through the air and with it the scent blood…

Vergil knew whose blood it was, he smelled and tasted it enough times there was no mistaking it, It was Y/n’s… That’s how Vergil learned his girlfriend was the nineteenth victim of the Red Grave Slasher…And Vergil was going to get his revenge.

_**[one month later]** _

E/c eyes snapped opened before blinking a few times trying to adjusting to what little light there was in the room, Was she home? Had Vergil come back? Y/n winced as she lifted herself up her body felt sore, heavy and her head was killing her. the h/c girl’s eyes had finally adjusted and she got a good look at the room she was in, this wasn’t her apartment and it certainly wasn’t Vergil’s house!?

W-where was she?! she then looked under the sheet that was covering her…She was naked?! what happened last night?! she felt like she was hungover but…She didn’t drink that much or maybe she did? the sound of foot steps snapped Y/n out of her freak-out, Y/n quickly flopped down and closed her eyes pretended to sleep as the door clicked open;

And a black haired man who definitely wasn’t her boyfriend walked in stared at her for a few seconds rolled his eyes and went to the window pulled the curtains opened. as his back was turned Y/n slowly reached for the lamp on the nightstand planning to strike him with it and escape…“Y'know…” the man spoke up causing the h/c to freeze. “If you’re going to pretend be asleep, don’t make it so obvious.” Y/n eyes snapped opened she sat up and saw the man staring right at her unimpressed as she hugged the sheet close.

“Where am I?!” She demanded voice wavering as the man studied her, before sighing “Your in my room above my shop Dead man’s pawn.” he said tiredly as he pushed away from the window and approached the bed.

Y/n flinched as he reached into the nightstand drawer and toss an envelope on to her lap the h/c girl looked down at it bemused then look at the man. “What this supposed to be, hush money? After what you did I’ll-” she hissed the man put his hand up to silence her.

“I didn’t do anything to you, just look inside it’ll tell you everything that’s happened the last two months.” Y/n eyes widened as soon as he said that. T-two months?! that can’t be?! he had to be lying it couldn’t be August…The guy was off his rocker! “My name is Henry by the way…now get cleaned up, dressed and meet me downstairs.” Henry said walking towards the door “you have a busy day ahead of you.” with that ‘Henry’ closed the door and Y/n was alone.

*what did he mean, Busy day?* a chill went down her spine as she thought about whatever he was planning. Then looked down at the envelope, swallowing she opened it and newspaper clippings and a folded letter fell out searching the clippings Y/n stomach churned as read the headline. _**“Red Grave Slasher claims Nineteenth Victim.”**_ how does this answer why she woke up in a stranger’s bed? 

She read the article and Y/n felt like her stomach was full of sand as she saw her name and picture staring back at her, it must be a mistake or a trick! she reasoned as she read the details and felt more frantic before looking at the letter her hands were shaking as unfolded it praying she’ll see Dante’s handwriting saying : _ **GoT'ChA**_ or something like that…But that all shattered when she looked at the paper in her hands…

I wasn’t a letter, it was her death certificate. 

_[twenty minutes later.]_

Y/n came downstairs wearing a large hoodie, sweat pants and flip flops, Henry was waiting for her doing a Crossword looked up and sighed “Ok..You found the clothes I left. good now let’s go.” Y/n kept her distance and stared at him suspiciously. “what’s going, who put you up to this?!” The [y/height] hissed obviously not believing she was dead, Henry grumbled something under his breath. “Look I’ll explain once we get there.” he said keep his aged eyes on her, making it clear that Y/n had know choice in the matter reluctantly followed after the lanky man.

“Where are we going?" 

"Someplace that’ll make you feel better.

"A where would that be?”

“Your grave Snow-pea.”

“…Snow-pea?" 

Soon the two were at the cemetery gates Henry led Y/n through the graveyard passed a few rows before stopping Y/n eyes widened when she saw Vergil leaving flowers; immediately she tried to run to him only for Henry to hold her back. "Don’t, he won’t recognize you.” her brows furrowed as turned to look back at Vergil only see him walking away with that blond woman he ditched her for…Y/n felt rage bubbling in her stomach as Henry dragged her over the grave Vergil left flowers on…

Soon her anger turned to melancholy as she saw her tombstone _[Y/n L/n y/b/d/-2019 loved and missed dearly.]_ then the anger returned “Loved and missed…” she snorted Henry cocked a brow as her curiously “He sure got over me pretty quickly…” She mumbled bitterly as the light bulb went off in Henry’s head “Y'know you really shouldn’t assume things…"the tall man deadpanned as Y/n shot him a look "I’ll start listening to you, when you tell me what the fucks going on.” The man hummed before taking leading Y/n out of the cemetery and eventually to a fancy high-rise apartment building, They got into the elevator and were headed to the penthouse floor.

“You were suppose to have this speech months ago, but your soul was so shattered that it took it’s sweet time pulling you back together.” The black haired man began as Y/n brows furrowed as she listened intently.“So, what? Am I ghost or something?” the the man snorted and muttered something under his breath “You’re definitely something Snow-pea, but a ghost you are not.” The h/c was beginning to get frustrated as Henry continued his explanation.

“See, you have selected since the day you were nothing but a thought in your parents head, Your fate was sealed the second Roy extracted your soul from the ties that bounded you to the mortal plains…Y/n welcome the ranks of the grim reapers.” He said happily as elevator door to reveal a bloody massacre there was blood and bodies littering the apartment causing Y/n gag and throw up.

Except, something freaky happened instead of liquid this weird cloud of shimmering vapor came out Y/n’s mouth causing the y/ht woman to gawk at it, she curiously went to touch the cloud as it slowly faded away only to see her hand was spectral.. "Gah!?!“ she yelped showing Henry who clicked his tongue at her.

"Don’t worry that’ll go away once we some food in to ya.” He pulling the pale girl into the bloody apartment. “please tell me we’re not here to raid their fridge.” she said to sick to eat at the moment while trying not to touch anything as Henry started looking around and smile when he found what he wanted.

“Naw-naw of course not…We’re robbing it!” he said indifferently Y/n relaxed until she registered what he said; then heard a loud crash looked in the dinning room and saw Henry in the wine cabinet pulling out bottles and reading the labels.

“Are you insane?!” she shrieked as Henry waved her “They’re not using it anymore, where do you think most of my wares come from?” before Y/n could convey her disdain at Henry’s behavior a woman’s voice cut in.

“Sorry Henry, but I called dibs. so everything here is mine.~” ??? purred as Y/n whirled around to see a beautiful woman wavy red hair wearing a dark green cocktail dress with a sports bag slung over her shoulder, that was stuffed to overcapacity with what Y/n assumed to be clothes, jewelry and other belongings of whoever these people were.

“Cod dammit Megan! can I at least keep the wine?” Henry pleaded as Y/n between him and “Meg” who’s gray eyes widened when she noticed the newbie. “Tell you what, you can have two…if I get Nineteen out those rags.” she bargained as Henry sneered at the redhead “Five…I keep four of my choice and we split the fifth.” the two stared each other as Meg caved.

“Deal…let’s go Nineteen” Y/n awkwardly introduced herself as Henry sifted through the wine selections. a few minutes later the girls came back Meg had dress Y/n in a light-blue sundress, black stockings and light brown ankle boots. she still wore Henry’s hoodie over it either due to low-self esteem or she was cold, whatever the reason she made it work.

“There, doesn’t she look cute?” Meg asked as Henry look her over and just shrugged “meh… Anyway we gotta get going, we still have a few more stops today.” Meg frowned at the shaggy haired man’s indifference. “Well that was to be expected..You take of yourself Nineteen.” The redhead chirped putting the y/hc woman on the head as she grabbed another sports bag next to the exit and walked down the fire escape, She heard a zipper and Y/n saw Henry stuffing _SIX_ bottles into his backpack before ushering the y/ht woman towards the elevator.

“C'mon before she comes back..”

“Wha..whoa! okay stop shoving!” Y/n yelped nearly tripping on a dead man’s leg as Henry practically carried her to doors, cue the most awkward elevator ride ever. As Y/n and Henry waited for their floor the _Reapling"_ as Meg called her had to ask.

“So…How did those people die?”

“Murder/Suicide. husband though the wife banging his best friend,…Turns his friend was gay, And his wife was just trying to help him come out to everyone."

Y/n felt bad for the wife and friend; killed without ever given a chance to explain…She wanted to ask if they were going to be reapers too? then the elevator came to a stop Y/n felt heart jump when she saw a familiar blue coat about to enter, she quickly threw her hood up and kept her head down as a pair of familiar boots stepped on to the elevator stopping next to her. “Rough night?” Henry asked jokingly as Vergil rumbled in annoyance.

“Y'wanna talk about it.” the y/wt woman swallowed hard as the hunter coldly answered “I have no business with you.” he hissed Y/n suddenly felt lightheaded as the elevator started up again, her breathing got shallower as tears started falling down her cheeks getting Vergil’s attention. 

His hand suddenly moved like it was going for her hood, before Henry threw his arm over her shoulder and spoke up “Sorry about her, she had a bad night, can’t handle liquor very well.” he said as Vergil’s hand lowered back to his side, “I see..” the white haired man hummed, Y/n relaxed as the elevator finally came to their floor. 

As the two reapers exited a large gust of wind blew causing Y/n’s hood to fall off, her eyes traveled towards the closing doors just in time to meet Vergil’s icy blue eyes she saw a flash of confusion slowly morph into recognition!!! She felt her mouth go dry and suddenly grabbed Henry’s hand and took off running dragging the confused man behind her. 

Soon as they were far away from the apartments, the senior reaper got her to stop they finally did in-front of a Computer repair shop. “Why did you make us run ten fricken blocks?..I’m all for quick getaways, but damn!” Y/n didn’t answer she pulled her hood back up frantically.

Then it click Henry sighed in frustration. “Is this because of your boyfriend? Look I told you before he won’t recognize you.” the black haired man huffed Y/n didn’t seem too sold. So he brought her to the store front showing her the TV/Camera display that was pointed at the street “See? this is what we look like to the living." He the y/hl woman nervously looked up at the screen to see a sickly looking girl who sort of resembled her, but the girl she was looking at had different [Skin tone, longer/shorter Darker/Lighter hair color, a dull not/your eye color.]

Y/n was stunned for a moment as she brought a hand up to the glass, her doppelganger did the same then she looked at a broken mirror in the alley next to the store and saw her normal appearance looking up at her before turning back to Henry "Who decides what we look like?” the black haired man shrugged along with his surfer dude looking doppelganger, the h/c girl felt a chill go down her spine as she remembered Vergil…

“Does this trick work on demons too?” She asked warily as Henry looked at her bemused. “Well demon aren’t really human. So no, Why?” He asked as the temperature in the street suddenly plummeted causing the older reaper to pull his coat closer then he noticed, no wind so where chill coming from?

He saw Y/n looking across the street almost terrified he followed her gaze to see a dragon-like demon _[SDT! Vergil.]_ it was huge and surrounded by blue flames that seem to freeze everything it touched…

“What did you say you boyfriend’s name was?” he said shivering as the demon got closer “V-Vergil Sparda.” She stammered before Henry could react a blue flash obscured his sight and something large grabbed the stunned girl, when Henry could see again Y/n was gone… 


	2. Happy Death day to you [Dante’s Version.]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dead Like me AU

_She’s dead…she’s dead, his Y/n was dead? how-how could she…“I was only gone for three days..wh-” he dropped the floor still processing Trish had told him, some truck driver ran a red light as some kids were crossing..he was drunk and didn’t even notice them…Y/n ran out into the street and shoved them outta of the way and took the hit, She died on impact…_

_And with it Dante’s will to live died with her, alcohol only numb him up, women? no point they weren’t his N/n…His friends and family were worried about him, he didn’t even go to her funeral. The half-Devil kept expecting the y/height woman to walk through his door like nothing happen ask how his gig went and life would return to normal…But no such luck. Y/n was dead and she wasn’t coming back._

**_Three weeks later…_ **

Dante was at a diner with Morrison and Patty they managed to dragged him out of his room with the prospects of a job. In reality they just wanted to get him outside and try to help him get back to normal goofball Dante. As Morrison explained the job details.

Dante’s dull blue eyes traveled to a booth a few tables away he cocked a brow at the odd bunch, which consisted of a bald man with an olive complexion, tired grey eyes and an aura that screamed _‘I’m too old for this crap.’_ Who was giving out orders and handing out post-it to the other’s at his table.

a 40 something blond woman in a mailman’s uniform and a wash out hippie who looked like Tommy Chong’s lost love child. and for some reason an empty space, _***Must have a few screws lose…***_ he thought as a waitress blocked his view of the hippie.

The old man and mail-Woman ordered breakfast the the hippie ordered a coffee to go, the Waitress then gestured to the empty space next to him. “And you?” the waitress asked boredly as the mail woman snorted while the old man smirked.

“She means you Nibblet.” he said taking a sip of water, Dante’s brow furrowed who was he talking to? there were only three people at their booth. “I…y-you can see me?” a small very familiar voice croaked the half-devil’s heartbeat spiked.

The waitress looked at the fourth person annoyed “Dammit Nate, what have I told you about bringing your junkie friends around here?!” Hippie put his hands up in defense and waitress sneered at the “junkie” who was gawking at her bewildered.

“She not a junkie, that’s his niece she just woke up..and she’ll take a coffee too.” the old man said curtly to the embarrassed waitress who just left to get their order, Dante’s eyes winded in shock at the sight of his dead girlfriend sitting in the booth clothes covered in blood with her knees pulled to her chest gawking at the direction the waitress went as Nate spoke up "My niece, what’s all that noise?“ Only the be talked over by the Y/n who pointed at the waitstaff confused.

"How the hell could she see me? you said I was like a ghost!" 

"Yes, I did say that didn’t I?”

“Then what was..how?”

“If you weren’t so busy crying, you would’ve heard me say you were incubating.” He said as the waitress returned with their food and drinks, The bald man smiled at the sight of his scrambled eggs and waffles, as the h/c woman looks at him expectantly.

"Oh, I’m not telling you, that’s his job.“ he said pointing his fork at Nate who look at him stunned "Are you out of your mind Glenn?!” the hippie shouted causing everyone in the diner to looked at him, the scruffy man blanched waved everyone off.

“I can’t haul around some roadie and work at the same time.” His hissed at this the blond woman to snorted “Work..he calls it.” as Nate glared at her before looking around the diner for something "Where Ash? let her take the roadie…“ he said as Glenn shook his head. "Who do you think Nibblet’s here to replace?” he said suddenly causing a pregnant pause in the group as Glenn kept eating his waffles.

“Ash is..gone?” Blondie said suddenly not hungry anymore as she her oatmeal away and Nate slowly sat down “She didn’t even say goodbye.” he said as Y/n looked at them confused as the balding sighed “Y'know she couldn’t have; even if that was choice, Now get her cleaned and show her how things work." 

Glenn said numbly before returning to his breakfast as Nate looked he wanted to cry but sighed "This way Roadie." he gestured for Y/n to follow him all while Dante sat frozen still processing what he had just witnessed. The half-devil was brought out of it by Patty snapping her finger fingers "Dante are you listening?” she huffed as Morrison stared at him concerned. 

The devil hunter look at them then back at the booth Y/n and that Nate guy were gone, Blondie was having a hushed argument with Glenn. His brow furrowed as nodded towards the booth. “Did you both see that?” He asked shaken and clearly wondering if his mind had finally snapped, Patty looked a the booth incredulously before snorting.

“Oh yeah, the guy who dumped jello and ketchup on his niece! that was funny.” she giggled as Morrison chuckled along “ His brother really laid it into him didn’t he?” the two continued laughing while Dante couldn’t believe what he was hearing, that’s not what happened at all! how could they have heard something completely different from what he had? distressed Dante got up from the table and went outside ignoring Morrison and Patty calling him. 

But alas they were both long gone it would be another month before he saw Y/n’s look alike again. And at that point he concluded that it had to be a demon posing as his dead girlfriend…They must’ve taken a page from Mundas and created it to manipulate him for something…But for what? Dante was drawing blanks, he was walking back to the shop one afternoon with a fresh bottle of cheap whiskey in hand.

When someone careened into Dante knocking them to the ground, the half-devil didn’t even flinch as he stopped in his tracks and looked down at the person, They were wearing a hoodie they couldn’t see them properly. However before he could ask if they were okay or help them up, the person shot up to their feet giving him a clear look at their face Y/n…

“Sorry Da…Dude.” She check her watch.“ Fuck I am so late!” she hissed rushing down the street. Not noticing Dante following her watching as she took out a post-it and looked at the street signs, finally looking relieved _*must’ve have found the street she was looking for…*_ the hunter thought as he watched her turn the corner.

Dante hesitated it could be an ambush… or it could be the answer to what the hell was going on? taking a breath Dante rounded the corner to see a very disturbing scene; Y/n standing over a mangled body of a man, who’d obviously gotten run over and left for dead in the back street like a piece of garbage. the half-devil brows furrowed as he watched from the shadows as gremlin looking demons hissed and sneered at the h/c woman who just waved them off.

“Yeah, yeah I know!” she huffed before reaching her hand out towards the corpse. “Hey buddy, c'mon time to get up pal!” she said as a ghostly hand extended from the body grabbing hers, Dante’s blue eyes widened shock as Y/n pulled a guy out of the mangled remains or rather his spirit. the guy looked at her confused then down at his body.

“Oh god, i-s that??”

“Yep, that’s you.”

“What… I’m…Who are you??” the guy stammered looked back and fourth at her and his body incredulously Y/n winced glaring at her watch, she didn’t have time for this! “Y/n, grim reaper, harvesters of souls.. giver of jack shit. yada-yada, could you speed this up? I got three more appointments after you.” She said rolling her hand at the dude who looked her up and down in disbelief, “But you’re not a skeleton.” he sputtered out the obvious as Y/n nodded and started to walk away.

“That’s Fairy-tale bull-shit, listen I would’ve gotten here sooner. but the city bus scheduling is a joke!” she hiss throwing her hands in the air as the dude sighed in annoyance. “Tell me about it…” with that his soul faded away as Y/n walked out of the street just barely missing getting crushed by an AC unit.

“You missed motherfuckers!” she shouted as two of those little gremlin demons crawled down from the roofs and started arguing with each other. Y/n shook her head as took out a new post-it _**[T.j. Miller DTOD 14:14]**_ the address it was close by, her tired e/c eyes checked her watch she still had an hour to kill…

she sighed bumping into something “arg…what is with me and bumping int-” she her voice dead when she saw who she bumped into Dante…pointing Ebony right at her face Y/n slowly put her hands up as she broke out into a cold sweat, she heard the safety unlock as the h/c mouth felt dry swallowed hard and croaked out the only thing she could think of at the moment. “…Aw Shit." 

_{[BANG!]}_


	3. Happy death day Dante's ver. pt 2

a few minutes later...

Y/n was woken up by Nate with a pair pliers pulling at her head as two Gravelings [gremlin demons] held her down, she felt him trying to pry something out of her still healing head, she hissed in pain as Nate smirked finally prying whatever was in her head free. "Ah-ha! Got'cha ya little bastard!" He cheered victoriously showing her it was bullet, Y/n was confused where the bullet came from? then she remember Dante... That jackass! Who fuck shoots someone without asking 'what the hell is gong on?!' the y/ht reaper groaned feeling her head healing at rapid pace that always feels weird... but then her logical side caught up to her.

How did...How did Dante recognize her? The others explained that the living wouldn't recognize her at all because she like every Grim had like some reaper glamour curse or whatever it was changed her appearance?... "What happen, did you see how your last appointment died?" Nate asked snapping her out f her thoughts as he examined the bullet assuming she was a witness to a murder. "No.." Y/n sighed and went to say a demon hunter shot her, but was cut off by said hunter who had been watch from the roof.

Scaring the hell out of Nate who subconsciously put him between Y/n and Dante, who looks ready kill them until the elder reaper spoke up. "Hey listen pal, I don't know what your beef is, but you better back off now!" instead Dante grabbed him by the neck and pulled him up to his face while keeping Ebony pointed at Y/n mumbled "not again..." and waited for the shot to go off as a tense silence filled the air. "I going give you a chance..."

The demon hunter hissed as his aura fluctuated he so pissed and about to trigger..."What are you demons planning? Why does that thing look like Y/n" he growled as Nate eyes widened stunned. "You...know who she? But that's not possible unless.." Dante lips curled into snarl as a red hot flash filled the alley and his SDT form was suddenly standing before them, he pulled Nate closer to his face. 

" _ **Tick-tock little man...**_ " he growled as Nate tried to sputter incoherently before blurting out. "We're not demons! we're Grim Reapers!?" He choked the half-devil eyes widened and he looked at he man, he seemed to be telling the truth the scent coming of them was Grave soil and lilies the sort of thing death was associated with...

Dante's mind processed this if they really were Reapers then that meant they were once human...and if that was the case then, his ember like eyes looked a Y/n's lookalike who was know being held up by sword point, nodded vigorously without a word Dante dropped Nate who landed on the ground with a yelp and made his sword disappear the y/hc reaper sighed relieved that she wasn’t gonna be missing her head anytime soon...

But that relief was short lived as she felt her feet leave the ground before she or Nate could protest! Dante took off with her in his arms; he was nothing more than a speck in the sky as the senior reaper pulled himself of the ground watching on with a panicked expression "Oh Ballcock! Glenn is gonna strangle me!" he yelled running a hand through his hair...

**Meanwhile..**

"DANTE, STOP!"

"__"

"Don't fucking ignore me, put me down!!"

"...No"

The devil hunter hissed as Y/n struggled in his hold making Dante tighten his grip on her as he flew to god knows where! as Y/n frowned at him honestly she couldn't blame him at the moment, She's been dead what, 3 months now? and he's just found out she's been walking around enjoying what un-life had offer and never once bothered to seek him out!...

But then again, It wasn't her fault! Nate told Y/n that Dante wouldn't recognize her because of some glamour spell all reaper gain moments after their "birth" Y/n never bothered to ask if this spell even worked on demons/half-demon; She just took Nate's word for it, after all she was the Reapling and the hippie was her grave-parent!

Y/n's stomach churned as she tried not to think about how her body would heal itself from a fall at this height and speed! "Dante, I'm serious if you don't land us right now, I will barf on you!" She snapped feeling bile rise up from her throat, the half demon let out a rumble before landing them in a forested area where he knew they wouldn't be disturbed.

Y/n true to her word bolted for a bush the second Dante put her down and threw up only there was only was something off about at least from Dante's perspective instead of bile this odd shimmering gold vapor fell out of Y/n's throat every time she heaved and floated away. "Urg, that's what I get for skipping breakfast..." the y/ht woman groaned before noticing Dante gawking a her legs she looked saw they've gone spectral.

"Don't freak it happens I just need to eat." she said pulling a small pack of cookies from her hoodie pocket and started munch as Dante's ember like eyes examined her from head to toe he still hadn't De-Triggered, not that Y/n blamed him he was probably expecting her skin to tear open and a demon to jump out at him and wasn't taking any chances.

" _ **How did you end like this?**_ " The reaper cocked a brow at metallic tang Dante's voice had to it, and resisted the urge to smile she missed hearing his trigger voice she always found it sexy... but that's obviously the last thing on the half-demon's mind. "I don't know how to answer that." a low growl escaped from Dante pretty telling her that she had better find a way, causing Y/n's temper to flare up. 

"What do you want me to say Dante?! Sorry I died?!

" _ **No! I just want to know why you never came home.**_ "

"Because the dead can't interact with their former lives..." Her next words cut through Dante's heart like a dagger as this gray mist suddenly moved in behind her.

"It's not my home anymore, So do us both a favor and forget me move on." she kissed his cheek before walking into mist that disappeared as quickly as it appeared. leaving Dante alone again, suddenly there was a loud explosion as Dante released a huge burst of energy that knock over trees and left a large crater where he was standing. As if he’d let something like death keep him from his girl! he roared before flying back to his shop to figure out a plan.

_**Meanwhile**_

Y/n was back in the city at college party watched a frat boy she just high-five'd slip on a ping-pong ball, and fall off the balcony his buddies were playing beer-pong on and impale himself on a lawn gnome to the other party goers horror. "Huh, now that's a new one." Y/n mused while taking a sip of her beer. 


	4. DMC BOYS: They find out you're an assassin [Assassin's creed crossover.]

**Dante** : It was supposed to be a simple bodyguard job, a bunch of old dudes were having some super villain-ish meeting and one of them hired Dante to guard him, the devil was a little vague on the details all he remembered was the guy saying he'll pay upfront! And like that Dante blocked whatever else was said... 

to sum it up someone wants the old guy dead and Dante just there to make sure he doesn't croak, simple enough he can do that... what he couldn't do was kill the assassin who just killed his client...

She was his girlfriend. 

Dante's mind replayed the scene over again: one second the old fat geezer is drinking whiskey and being chatted up by a call-girl, Dante gets distracted by one of the strippers, next thing he knows there's a shriek! the half-devil whipped his head in the direction of the commotion and saw his client looking at another old man in a dark suit in shock, his hand was clamp securely around his neck all in a vain attempt to stop the blood from seeping from his slashed throat he fell forwards and his assailant was revealed standing behind him.

They were a woman in a fav/c hooded jacket with some sort of retractable blade attached to her wrist, he could see tiny smirk grace the woman's lips as she stared across the club room at same old man who Dante assumed was the big boss behind this meeting, and another target on this won's list...

Dante grimaced and took a step forwards only to freeze when the familiar scent of his girlfriend's perfume caught his nose through the blood and booze, then he saw those eyes the half-devil knew them well the second they looked through the crowd at him, he was soon snapped out of his shock by the big boss boss bellowing "Get her! tear that dog apart!?" soon the y/ht woman was surrounded by armed men; Y/n took them down like they were nothing and seemed to be having fun with it before making a quick get away, he last saw her run out through one the exits.

He chased her just in time to see her jump off the roof and land in the back of a dump truck filled with leaves waiting in the street before the truck drove off into the night, needless to say Y/n was in for a major _what the hell fest_ when she got home.

**\--------------------------**

**Nero:** Anger was the first thing that crossed his mind, then betrayal he thought he knew you and that you could trust him with anything, but him finding out you were a killer? that's been fighting a goddam centuries old war, he didn't know what to think! how he found out in the first place was that you had gotten hurt and he was contacted against your wishes.

He demanded to know what happened? you had lied claiming you fell down some stair. "Stairs don't stab peopl-" Nero too a breath "Y/n you better tell me what's going on, or I'm walking out that door and I'm not coming back." you looked at him stunned hoping this was an empty threat but he was dead serious.

You kept your mouth shut but the second he took a step towards the door you sighed "Wait." Nero turned to look at you gestured for him sit down, and like that it was like dam had opened Nero sat and he listened, you told him of the creed, the artifacts of Eden, Abstergo and your involvement the more upset he looked, he silently left you alone claiming he couldn't be here. he had to think, after few hours he came back and paused when he heard a male voice talking to you... 

Nero swallowed his inner demon growled hearing an unknown male in your room. "I don't think it's a good idea to be using the animus in your condition." You snapped at the guy the shut up you're gonna be stuck here for a week might as well do something other than mope about destroying the best relationship you've ever had in a while. "okay, your good go."

Nero silently walked in without either of you noticing him and saw you hooked up to some oculus looking thing and this surfer looking guy looking over a screen, suddenly he jumped back at the sound of a pot shattering. "What the hell?!" you exclaimed as the guy chuckled. " I think ..uh-oh think Amir's wife Esha just found out he's an assassin she not taking it to well" he laughed nervously keeping a hand on his chest as Nero came up behind him to watch the scene, You grumbled something under your breath as a woman angrily shouting in Hindi filled the hospital room as more pottery in thrown.

_"Esha, please calm down, mera Pyaar!*my love*" a man pleaded as the woman snarled._

_"Don't you Mera Pyaar me! Five years we've been married and you kept this from me, How dare you?!"_

_"Look I didn't want to keep you - [dodges a vase.] please stop throwing things at me!"_

_"I should've listened to my brother when he said there was something off about you! kameene!*Bastard*" *About to throw another vase*_

_Amir catches her arms pushes her toward a wall "I was just trying to protect you dammit!" he snapped Esha tried to say she didn't need to be protected because her father but Amir cuts her off. "Can do nothing, these men and their order have been on earth as long as my creed has, they have more power then your family combined and they to destroy free will as we know it..." the door behind them sudden broke down to reveal a British man and few heavily armed guards._

_Esha who was still enraged shoved Amir aside, demanding they leave their house did they know who her father was? he'll hear about this- she was cut off by the men laughing at her before dropping the bomb. "On her who do you think told us where to find your husband?" the Indian woman's fell in shock and started shaking her head in disbelief next thing that happened, a cloth was tied around her mouth as the smoke quickly filled the room the sounds of fighting started Amir quickly started dragging his shell shock wife out of their home …_

The sequence ended as you sighed waiting for the next one to load "that is exactly why I didn't want to tell Nero, one slip up, one loose end and the Templars could find him, Kyrie or the kids and use them to hurt me." The y/ht huffed wincing as she tried to pull herself up, and failed nearly falling off the bed luckily a pair a arms caught her and sat her up right.

"urg... Thanks Wally." Y/n's heart sank into her feet when she heard Wally voice on the other side of her room. "uh.. That not me N/n." the ginger man said sheepishly while adjusting his glasses as the familiar scent of Nero's cologne caught her nose, Y/n cautiously lifted up the Animus visor off her eyes to find Nero staring at her.

the y/nat woman's stomach tightened and her face felt hot as a tense silence filled the air, before Nero spoke up pretty saying that her reasons for hiding this life from him were the exact same reasons he keeps her away from Devil hunting to protect her. 

He sighed knowing there was no way talking her out of the creed like he had planned, but Nero urged her not to get killed and not to hide things from him anymore... Y/n promised then Nero sheepishly asked if she'd put the Animus back on? because he kind of wants to see what will happen to Amir and Esha.

**\-----------------**

**Vergil** : Like Dante he was hired by a shady old man to protect him, what he didn't expect was to be thrown into a special security called alpha squad filled with a bunch of arrogant humans who pointed a laughed at the white haired weirdo and using a sword in this day and age! Vergil ignored them seeing as this was just a temporary gig, and he'll never see them again. 

Of course nothing would prepare him for what happened next, alarms were blaring and the were bodies littering the hallways, Vergil examined as he went along noting that they alpha squad members and they'd been stabbed or had their throats slashed... 

It was Ironic that they died this way the more he thought about it, he snapped out of his thoughts when he heard his employer yelling at someone to back off. Vergil looked around the corner to see his employer and a hooded man with a strange blade on his wrist the two were engaged with in a conversation while Vergil silently approached.

"I had dream about you Mr. Vesta."

"aww...how sweet, too bad you're not my type!"

"In my dream you never made it out the Paris Catacombs alive..."

"What can I say? I too stubborn to die!"

Vergil was just about to strike when the three were interrupted by an explosion, "Why hello, Partner!" Vesta happily greeted the woman who cautiously walked into the courtyard, Vergil felt a chill go down his spine as a familiar shouted at the man. "Jason, we have to go!" Vesta shook his keeping eyes on the old man.

"We can't let them find the box." the woman took a an aggressive stance not liking that answer "Screw that, I killed half of Alpha squad and destroyed the map, let's get out while we can!" footsteps were heard rushing down the alley, her partner growled in frustration finally complied. "See ya in your dreams old man.." Vesta jeered then threw a smoke bomb he and his partner ran from the scene being chased by Vergil.

Who caught up to them fairly quickly he knocked out the man and got a hold of the woman pulling her hood off confirming his suspicions. "Y/n what's meaning of this?" he hissed coming face to face with his gobsmacked girlfriend. "Only to be interrupted by remnants of Alpha squad, who ordered him to hold her down! Without a word Vergil used summoned swords on the men causing them to scatter.

before using the Yamato to open a portal; he threw Vesta over his shoulder and he and Y/n rushed through it landing in Nero's garage, the portal closed as Vergil dropped the passed out man none too gently on the floor then turned his girlfriend who had a lot of explaining to do. 


	5. Soulmate au: Dante x Reader

**[The first honest/sincere words your soulmate wants are tattooed to you body.]**

**Yours** : _Hey fuckface! let see how funny it is when I shove my foot up yer ass!_

 **Dante’s** : _Please help, they stole my bikini top._

- _ **Hey fuckface! let see how funny it is when I shove my foot up yer ass!**_ \- You grimaced eyeing that tattoo it has been a double edge sword ever since it appeared on her fifteenth birthday, some people assumed your Soulmate was abusive while others assured you he was probably defending you... 

But none could prepare you for your uber religious mom catching wind of it, it was an accident you walked in from school and she saw something black peeking out under your sleeve.

"YFN what on God's green earth is that?!" she demanded yanking your arm towards her and pulled your sleeve up, let's just sat say if your mom was close to having a stroke that would've been the day! her eyes narrowed at you venomously as gripped your arm tightly.

"You go upstairs right now and wash this filth off your arm this instant!" you tried to tell her you can't but she would interrupt you. "How dare you go behind my back deface your skin with the devil's tongue! your skin is for your soulmark and nothing else, now go!" she barked pointing up the stairs.

You just stared her for a good hard second before saying. "But mother, this is my soulmark." Oh how you wished you had a camera for the look on your mother's face; her lips pursed and her jaw muscles started twitching it almost looked like she'd just ate a lemon dipped in sour milk, your dad who knew about the vulgarity ofyour mark, awkwardly ushered you away while he tried to calm your mother down.

_**Life went on...** _

Most of your friends met their soulmates in high school or college, You didn't meet your soulmate until your late [20s-mid 30s] you had moved from Redgrave to the neibouring city and after spending the first couple days lifting and unpacking things you decided to take a break and go to the beach while on the way you noted when you told your landlord where you were headed they'd give you a worried look and tell you to be careful.

You kept that in mind as you made to the beach noting there weren't a lot of people and the few there were in groups and just enjoying the last heat of summer before Fall came knocking at the door, You hummed watching the ocean, after setting up your towel and put on some sunscreen and listen to and audio book on your phone...

Half way through your book you felt something crawl on your back thinking it was a bug you swatted at it, then it happed again a few minutes later... this time You looked away from your phone, just in time to see some guy crouched behind you with something in his hand! startled you jumped away in shock and off went your bikini top! that thing in his hand was your top's string. 

you didn't scream instead you made a grab for your towel only for the man grabbed that too and run! You were pissed and about to follow but then you noticed he wasn't alone.. You could see what looked like three other men trying to hided behind the rocks as your bikini thief waved your stuff in the air mocking and laughing at you with a dark almost predatory look in his eyes...

Not knowing what to do, you looked around for help but most of the people you saw earlier were either gone or had move farther way, that was until you saw a scruffy well fit looking guy with white hair tied back in a ponytail in black swim trunks and a red sleeveless hoodie; walking along the shore eating a popsicle, You hesitated at first but looking at your options, you decided his help was better then no help.

Springing to your feet you ran over to the man in red with your marked arm covering your chest, and reach out giving his hoodie a tug the white haired man turned around looked at you. _*oh fuck me, he's gorgeous!*_ your inner voice cried.

the man eyed you with mild amusement before noticing shaken up you. "You alright Doll?" he asked concerned you shook your head wanting to die right there feeling tears well in your eyes, as you pointed to where the man was still stupidly waving your top around, probably annoyed why you weren't coming after him.

" _Please help, they stole my bikini top._ " The man looked at you funny his jaw went slack causing his popsicle to fall out of his mouth and onto sand before your tiny sobs snapped out of his trance; looking at where you were pointing his eyes darkened dangerously. 

"Put this on." He hissed giving you his hoodie, You saw the name Dante written on the tag inside before puling it on just in time to see "Dante" making his way towards the thief who was laughing before he got a good look at the figure headed towards him and realized it wasn't you.

" _Hey fuckface! let see how funny it is when shove my foot up yer ass!_ " Dante snarled you stared the tattoo on your arm then at the white haired man in shock. Now understanding why he looked at you oddly, the thief dropped your stuff and tried to book it; his friends were long gone, but Dante caught him and decided to give him a taste of his own medicine! He yanked the guy trunks off and tore them to shreds, leaving the guy standing there in naked in public, you started laughing as you watched Dante towel whip the humiliated thief causing the creep to run down to beach causing people to take pictures or yell for the beach police.

When the creep was out of sight, the man you presumed to be your soulmate calmly walked up with your top and towel in hand, it was then you noticed the words on his right bicep, and felt embarrassed once more, but for Dante, here you thought your tattoo was cringy. "Here ya go babe." Dante held out your towel and top. "Thank you." you squeaked taking them him.

"Yer welcome Darling I'm Dante by the way."

"I know."

"Do you now, I guess my rep still precedes me, eh?"

"Actually... Your name is written in your hoodie."

"Oh...Right." He chuckled nervously you faintly saw blush appear on his cheeks as he awkwardly scratched his jaw, then regained his composure. "I'm Y/n and I have feeling we're gonna be seeing a lot of each other." Dante threw an arm over her shoulder "Damn straight we are." the white haired man agreed as the two soulmates started walking down the beach talking.


	6. Happy death day: Reaper reader (Vergil's Ver) pt.2

When Y/n open her eyes this time she was in the forest, her mind was swimming as the hunger pangs she felt from earlier were much worse then from this morning she also had a sense of anxiety not the normal anxiety of being lost in an unknown place, but that type anxiety that small child would feel after being separated from a parent in a large crowd.

She had the sudden urge to find and be near Henry... Y/n's legs were shaking as she pulled herself up, she shuddered hugging Henry's hoodie close to "Damn.... it's so cold." She hissed leaning against a tree, she could see her breath and was even more confusing to the young reaper. _*It's August... So why is it so damn cold?!*_ She resisted the urge to throw up when heard a familiar voice speak up behind her. 

" _ **Finally awake I see...**_ "

Y/n felt a chill go down her back as she cautiously looked over her shoulder to see a pair of glowing blue eyes glaring at her from the darkness she swallowed. "Ver-" a summoned sword suddenly shot out the y/ht woman flinched as it embedded itself next to her head. " ** _I didn't say you could speak..._** " The half demon hissed venom dripping in his tone the y/hc bit her tongue as Vergil stepped out the shadows in his Sin Trigger Form and the way his tail was moving his was pissed.

Y/n throat felt dry as her former lover leaned close to growling. " _ **I'll admit you almost had me fooled**_ , " the y/ht woman swallowed not understanding what he was on about. **_"Taking her face to manipulate me, You've gotten more foolish in the demon world..."_** then it clicked he though Y/n was a demon!! " _ **Any last words before I end your misery?**_ " the y/ht woman tried to speak but her voice wasn't working... " _ **Nothing to say? that's fine for me**_." he hissed Y/n felt tears falling down her cheeks as the half devil raised Yamato ready to strike Y/n finally found her voice only able to scream. "VERGIL!/STOP!?" a man's voice snapped at the same time as hers Y/n opened her eyes to see Yamato a hair's length from slashing her neck as Vergil turned glaring at the person who dared intervene.

Y/n felt nothing but relief to see Henry standing at the clearing entrance out of breath, but with a serious expression on his face. " _ **You...**_ " Vergil growled obliviously thinking Henry was the master mind behind your copy, "Just barely made it, sorry snow-pea." he gasped before straightening up to his full height. Vergil turned away from Y/n keeping and summoned his doppelganger to guard her in case she tried to run. and the two men started walking towards each other and stopped a few feet apart mainly because Vergil was pointing Yamato at Henry expecting a fight the elder reaper just yawned before getting down to business.

" _ **Why have you come here?**_ "

"Simple You've borrowed something from me without asking, I'm here to collect."

" _ **You'd risk life for that lesser demon-"**_

"Pfft, Demons? is that what you think we are? *chuckles* naw mate we're reapers."

Henry watched Vergil's eyes widened for a second. "Surely the elder son of Sparda know what that means?" the raven haired reaper stated in a mocking tone as the half-devil lowered Yamato, Vergil had read about grim-reapers when he was younger they were the selected few mortal souls of the recently deceased forced to walk the earth collecting an unknown amount of souls, in order to attain entry to the afterlife.

Without a word de-triggered as he looked to where Y/n was cowering he called off doppelganger causing Y/n to slide down to ground and hug her knees shaking not noticing Vergil cautiously walk up to her, she could feel him staring over her pathetic shaking form. * _this...was Y/n...my Y/n._ "* Vergil mind echoed his eyes stung he felt a rogue tear escape down his cheek before dropped to his knees and with shaking arms held her against him, Y/n's was scent was soo different from the one he remembered, it was no longer lively, sweet, and jubilant, instead it was she smelled of dead flowers, fresh rain and grave soil. "Y/n. " he said with shudder in shock that he had attacked her, he was shaking as he pulled her closer.

Y/n was in shock she's never seen Vergil acting like this before... she cautiously looked up from her knees to find the normally cool-headed and orderly man, was breaking apart right before her eyes...she wanted say something but froze felt the familiar sensation of bile rising in her throat, her fear overlapped the feeling hunger she had felt when she woke up, on instinct she tried to shove Vergil away so she could heave, he was and stronger then the y/ht/wt woman. "Move!" she snapped confusing Vergil who watched in shock as this golden vapor spilled from his girlfriend's mouth and one of her arms went spectral. "What's happening?" he demanded alarmed Henry pinched the bridge of his nose. "Nothings wrong she's jus-" Y/n beat him to it. "I'm hungry..." she whined causing Henry to facepalm and Vergil to stare her in disbelief.

**later**

Cut to the the trio in a roadside diner Henry's brow twitched as he stared at Vergil who was sitting across from him with Y/n sitting in his lap; Yamato resting against the window, as said reapling was eating a plate eggs and cinnamon toast, the half devil was calmly sipped a cup of coffee, while he kept his eyes on the elder reaper with a calculated glare, the raven haired man had tell him how Y/n had com into his care... That was the deal.


	7. incorrect quote dump 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of incorrect quotes from various source such as: Sabrina the teenage witch, Vine, Malcolm in the middle, Charmed, Married...with children, b99, The office, Night court, that 70s show, Castle, Scrubs, TFLN, dead like me, Weeds, family guy, two and a half men, breaking bad, Entourage

**Vergil** : _[Nero taking a road trip with Kyrie]_ Wear seat belts! Watch the road! Avoid ice! Don't pass on mountain roads!

 **Dante** : Have fun?

 **Vergil** : That's implied.

* * *

Dad! Dante au feat my oc : Avigaila 

_[Nero watching his little cousin who’s coloring.]_

**Nero** : what are you drawing?

**Gaila** : Daddy and uncle Vergil as a doggy and cat.

_[Shows him a drawing of a dopey red dog and grumpy blue cat.]_

**Nero** : But they’re twins why not make them both dogs? _*take a sip from his soda*_

**Gaila** : _[Coloring]_ Cuz Dogs guard; cats watch... and judge.

_[Nero snarfs and bursts out laughing.]_

* * *

**Dante** : Are you having tea for breakfast??

**Vergil** : Yes, what did you have for breakfast?

**Dante** : Nothing.

**Vergil** : I’m doing better than you. *sips tea.*

* * *

**[After Urizen just destroys the crew.]**

**V** : Okay. We'll figure this out. Nero, let's go over our options.

**Nero** : _Options?_ We have two. We're screwed and we're more screwed.

* * *

Dad !Dante Au!

**[Vergil and Dante take Gaila to the movies for her birthday, when she sees a familiar face in the top seats and realizes her boyfriends there making out with another girl and confronts him.]**

**Gaila** : [to her cheating boyfriend] It’s my 18th birthday, and I want to handle my life maturely. I want you to know that I understand what happened and it's okay. *returns to her seat.*

**Gaila** : Daddy, Uncle Verg, beat him up. 

**Dante** : Of course, pumpkin.

**Vergil** : Yes Princess. 

_[Vergil & Dante run up the aisle and beat up Gaila’s cheating ex-boyfriend knocking him out cold.]_

**Dante:** _[returns to his seat and throwing an arm around his daughter]_ And that's why cable will never replace the movie going experience.

* * *

**Vergil:** I want to show you a picture from last night that really upset me.

**Dante** : Okay, but in my defense, Nero bet me 50 cents that I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.

**Vergil** : That’s not what I wanted to—

**Vergil** :....

**Vergil** : You drank SHAMPOO?

* * *

_[Vergil frowns as he listens to Dante and Nero clicking pens at each other.]_

**Vergil:** _[annoyed]_ Stop it.

**Nero:** Stop what?

**Vergil** : You are talking about me in Morse code. Well, you know what? Jokes on you. Because I know Morse code. Ha!

**Dante** : Yeah Verg. That's what we’re doing. In our very limited free time and with our very limited budget, we got bored and then went out and took a class on a very outmoded and very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front about you.

_[Later at Freddie’s Dante retells this to a very unimpressed Lady and Trish. ]_

**Dante:** Yup. That's exactly what we did.

* * *

Feat my oc: Chrome

**[** _Nero, Dante, Morison and Vergil are fussing over Chrome who had just woke up from nearly choking to death._ **]**

**Nero** : _He_ [Dante] saved Chrome?

**Morrison** : It's true. If Dante hadn't been carrying this card, she wouldn't be with us today.

**Nero** : _[reads card]_ "Wanda's Whip Emporium"?

**Dante** : The other side.

**Nero** : Oh. _[reads]_ "Step 1, give a swift blow to the victim's back to clear air passage. Step 2, clear the mouth of any foreign objects."

**Morrison** : "Step 3, loosen constrictive clothing."

_[Chrome looks beneath the trench coat she's wearing, she shrieks and Vergil glares as Dante pulls her bra and shirt out of his coat and hands them to his brother.]_

**Dante** : Better to be safe than sorry.

* * *

Dad! Dante au

**Patty** : I'm waiting.

**Gaila** : Just say it and she'll go home.

**Dante** : Fine. _[pause]_ You know, you're right, Patty, the Fonze could beat up Bruce Lee. _[winces]_

**Patty** : Thank you! _[leaves]_

* * *

**The sparda’s having a family dinner.**

**Dante** : So, how's your friend Janice?

**Gaila** : Pregnant. *Dante chokes on his beer*

**Kyrie** : Oh, she was such a nice girl, how does that happen?

**Nero** : Well, first the egg travels down the fallopian tube to the uterus where it attaches to the wall...

**Vergil** : Nero, for God sakes, that's no language for a woman to hear!

**Gaila** : It's okay uncle Verg, I know what a fallopian tube is. I think Kyrie does too...

* * *

**[Dante bursts into a bar looking like he’s about to explode]**

**Dante** : I haven't had sex in two weeks. It's 3:00 in the morning, and I don't have a date...

_[He begins looking obsessively around the bar.]_

**Lady** : Run for your lives, girls!

_[All the women flee the bar. Dante still looks around obsessively.]_

**Nero** : Better safe than sorry, guys!

_[All the men flee.]_

* * *

**Nero** : Dante, you look depressed.

**Dante** : I am. My word of the month is so obscure I can't find an opportunity to use it in conversation.

**Nero** : What word is that?

**Dante** : "Pentimento."

**Nero** : _[after a beat, turns to Kyrie]_ So how about that soccer game last night, huh?

**Kyrie** : Dante, what exactly does pentimento mean?

**Dante** : It's an artistic term, referring to the reappearance of original elements that had been obliterated by a new outer appearance.

**Vergil** : You mean like that greasy gray mop on top of your head that you affectionately refer to as hair?

**Dante** : Good example!

* * *

_Dad! Dante AU_

_[Gaila walking in as Dante is taking a work call]_

**Gaila** : Hey

**Dante** : [covers receiver] Hey. Finished your homework?

**Gaila** : Yeah.

**Dante** : You wanna finish mine?

**Gaila** : Well, that depends. How much are you offering to pay me?

**Dante** : Oh, I taught you well.

* * *

**Dante:** Reading the paper? You are going to lose all of your wired teen hyper texting nano gizmo street cred.

**Gaila:** I'm a rebel. I kick it old school.

**Dante** : Style section. Anything I need to know?

**Gaila** : The ‘70s are back.

**Dante** : Hmm. They’re like the Highlander, they just won’t die.

* * *

**Gaila:** And then the monster started growling at me, so I threw rocks at him, and I killed him, and then he started flying around on rocket boost, and I got to ride inside his head, and now the monster's my friend, and we wen - and we went to get Slurpees.

**Nero:** You did not. You just lied.

**Dante:** Nero, if that's what Gaila says happened there's no reason to argue about it.

**Nero:** No one believes I beat the last level in Mortal Kombat.

**Vergil:** Because that's just ridiculous. 

**Dante** : Yeah, No one beats Sub-Zero.

* * *

**{After Kyrie sets up a father-Son bonding outing for Nero and Vergil.}**

**Kyrie:** So, how'd it go?

**Nero:** Punched him in the face.

* * *

**[Lady texting Dante about her date with Trish.]**

**Lady** : Her idea of kinky involved a tazer

**Dante:** wtf?

**Lady:** I’m going back tonight

* * *

** "Sir, I'm going to say this as politely as possible... I will fuck you up!" **

-Nero Sparda to some random flirting with Kyrie.

* * *

_** "Sometimes off-color language is the best way to convey an idea. As in ‘get the fuck away from my pizza!" ** _

Dante Sparda

* * *

**_[after Lady tells him about the Client being too interested in Dante's 13 yr old daughter.]_ **

**Dante** : That little girl is a _child_. I don't wanna see you sniffing around her anymore this afternoon. Do you understand?!

**The Client** : Yes s-

**Dante** : _[Sin DT}_ _**Boy, have you lost your mind, 'cause I'll help you find it! Whatcha lookin' for? Ain't nobody gonna help you out there!**_ ** _Whatever God you worship_** _ **is gonna come through that door and they’re not gonna help you if you don't stop sniffing after my child!**_

**The Client** : [pissing himself] ...Ok.

_[cuts to client talking to Morrison over why he’s sending the old man in his place for the reminder of the job.]_

**The Client** : Mr. Dante yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life.

* * *

**Dante** : _[eating mac and cheese out of a coffee mug]_ Hey kid, what’s going on?

**Nero:** Teenage rebellion.

**Dante:** Fuck yeah! stick it to the old people!?

* * *

**Dante** : _[trying to motivate Nero for a basketball game]_ I know, grumble, grumble. But you would follow me to the ends of the earth, grumbling all the way. Like that dwarf from Lord of the Rings.

**Vergil** : Gimli.

**Dante** : Nerd. That is why you're not on the team.

[Vergil looks Dante in the eyes does a successful backwards free throw and walks away.]

* * *

[ _The Sparda family is chasing a demon that’s taken refuge in the sewers._ ]

**Gaila:** Good Lord! It's disgusting down here. 

_[She hops on Vergil’s back who hums in agreement with his niece, and proceeds to carry her.]_

**Dante:** Boy, Gaila's got the right idea. 

_[He hops on Nero’s back.]_

**Nero:** What the hell are you doing?!

**Dante:** It's wet down there, Nero.

[ _Nero immediately tosses Dante into the water.]_

* * *

**Vergil** : _Dante_ , there is a half-naked woman in our kitchen!

**Dante** : _[from upstairs]_ Which half?

* * *

**Nero:** So how does it feel to be old?

**Dante:** How does it feel to be a smartass?

**Nero** : Good.

* * *

_[Dante having tiny quarter size pancakes for breakfast with his family.]_

**Nero** : _[grimacing at his breakfast.]_ can I have more pancakes?

**Dante** : you’ve had ten already Nero, don’t be a pig...

**Vergil** : _*reads newspaper*_

**Dante** : we need to save every penny we can...

**Gaila** : _[pouring orange juice]_

**Dante** : Sweetie, easy on the orange juice that stuff doesn’t grow on tre-... Wait a minute, yes it does! So why is it so damn expensive?

* * *

_** How can one embryo produce two fucking losers? ** _

Nero to Vergil and Dante

* * *

_[Dante jumps out of a boxing ring quitting his part time job as a pro boxer, before the match starts.]_

**Dante** : Promise me if I ever do anything stupid like this again, give me a good smack!

**Vergil** : _[who's just lost a fortune betting on his brother]_ I promise.

_[Vergil walks into Devil may cry and sees Dante reading a magazine, "Amateur Parachuting." he takes it away, rolls it up, and smacks Dante on the head... then goes berserk and swats Dante all over with it, before calming down and handing it back.]_

**Dante** : Thank you.

**Vergil** : My pleasure..

* * *

**Lady [texting Trish]** : Why did I make a hit-list last night containing only McDonalds?

**Trish[replying to Lady]:** You tried to order a margarita mcflurry and when they said they didn’t make those you tried to call 911.

* * *

**Dante:** I told you I was good to drive.

**Nero:** Deadweight I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate!

* * *

**Dante:** I've seen your old man stay mad for years, but you're different, he likes you. He won't stay mad as long.

**Nero:** Well how long will he be mad for? Days? Weeks?

**Dante:** What's the one after that?

**Nero** : Months?

**Dante:** Yeah, that one.

* * *

**Nero** : _[to Vergil]_ You said I could come to you if I ever needed advice... Um, well Where is the clitoris? On this website it said "at the crest of the labia." What does that mean? ...What does the female vagina look like?

_later_

**Vergil** : _[talking to Dante]_ Technically, I did tell him to come to me for anything, and Nero was asking me about human anatomy. *take a sip of whiskey* Um... I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.

* * *

**_[Note: No source for this one I came up with it.]_ **

_V reading his book hears Gaila giggling curious he looks behind him and sees her and Nero talking intrigued he approached them._

**V:** What are you two laughing about over here?

**Nero:** Anagram game.

**V:** ...Hm, How do you play it?

**Nero** : I say a quote or sentence and Dante’s Mini-she rearranges the letters to spell out something else.

**V:** Example.

**Nero** : William Shakespeare.

**Gaila:** Willie Makes a Phrase. 

**Nero;** too easy, uh… 

**V** : “To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune”

**Gaila** : “In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.”

**V** : _nods impressed_

* * *

**Dante** : How did you get in my house?

**Vergil** : Okay, Dante, the key in the fake rock only works if it's among other rocks, not sitting on your welcome mat!

**Dante** : Excuse me, but if you put the fake rock in with a bunch of other rocks, it's impossible to find it when you're drunk.


	8. Reunion [SDT] Vergil x OC [with minor Dante.]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feat. My OC: Cailen Paladino who will appear in an upcoming fic.

Cailen was hopeful when she heard Dante and Vergil had returned from hell, she rushed over to Devil mat cry to greet them only to be greeted by a blast of hot air and an immense demonic aura that brought her to her knees, while trying to figure out just what the hell was happening?

Cailen was suddenly picked up like a toddler! she resisted the urge to squeak feeling her legs dangle in air, as her laurel eyes met Dante's burning orange demonic eyes shone warmly at her shock expression there was an odd crackling wood noise that rumbled from his throat, A chuckle? the petite brunette thought before feeling Dante's hold suddenly shifted on her _uh-oh..._ "Hold up, hold up now...eek!" Cailen could only wince as she was engulfed in a smoldering bearhug by the happy Devil hunter his wings; that she had just noticed, were almost fluttering before setting her down on her feet. 

" _ **Missed you...**_ " Dante hissed as Cailen craned her neck up to look at him she had heard from her son [Cailen is Nero's mother.] about Dante's new form he wasn't joking when he said he was big, then again everyone was big to Cailen; what with her a stunning woman of 5' nothing! often found her self the butt of Dante's teasing even when they were younger!

Cailen was brought out of her thoughts by Dante poking her stomach particularly where she been impaled by a Fury that was aiming for V, he probably wanted to see the damage... She lifted her shirt up a bit to show off a gnarly scar, Dante's eye dimmed a bit. "Nice eh? can't be drinking as much as I used too, they had to take out a kidney." the triggered hunter's wings and shoulders slumped he loved their bar nights together as Cailen pulled her shirt down.

"So are you done showing off, Because It's kind of hurting my neck talking to you like this." Dante shook his head " _ **Not showing off, stuck.**_ " Cailen cock an inquisitive brow. "What do you mean stuck? "Dante explained He and Vergil did some non-stop fighting during their way back and due to being trapped in a demonic hellscape of a power house almost a year has caused their trigger control to become a little.... unbalanced, and until their bodies can regulate the extra demonic power and get used to being in the human world's atmosphere again their pretty much under house arrest. 

"Speaking of which where is Vergil, is he here?"

" _ **No...not here, he's hiding...**_ "

"Hiding...why would he be hiding?"

" ** _He retained some of V's memories including a certain traumatic one..._** "

Cailen blinked processing this, Vergil remembered her and V... the fury attacking her losing control of himself and ultimately leaving her defenseless for Nico to pick up, he probably thought she had died given how much blood she lost... "Do you know where he's hiding?" she asked concerned as she watched Dante settle down and watch the new tv Nero had giving him to watch while stuck at home. " **Probably in the last place you'd look**." he hissed finding a channel playing Godzilla: King of Monsters which caught his interest immediately. _*the last place I'd look...*_ her laurel green eyes widened thanked Dante giving him a kiss on the mandible while he purred picked up a bag of popcorn started making it in his hands by focusing his aura.

_**-At your house-** _

The last place Cailen would look for Vergil is her house! V had stayed there locking himself in her study reading her books and research papers, until it was time to leave for Redgrave, The first thing Cailen had noticed when she discharged from the hospital was the the last book V read had a bookmark in it, you wouldn't save a page unless you were planning to come back and read it...

Sure enough when Cailen got home she was met by a blast of freezing air and a demonic aura that matched Dante's in power, the brunette shuddered feeling her arms covered in goosebumps the windows were frosted over the conjurer noted making a flower along the cold glass as she went deeper into her darken house, she tried a switch a few times but, the electricity seemed to be out. _Vergil's energy must've overloaded the fuse box..._ when she got to her study's door could see her breath and feel a sense of longing for the man hiding on the other side of the door and hesitantly went to to knock only for the door to suddenly opened and a beat Cailen was yank inside and held against a hard chest the room was dark save for the low blue glow of Vergil's markings. 

Cailen was surprise to to find how warm in temperature Vergil's body was in comparison to the frigid energy emanating from him, he had his wings closed around them, his body was tense and his eye were glued on her tiny form, blocking what little light was leaking into the room, her hand curiously traced the blue V on his chest causing a an odd purring noise coming from the demon, but Vergil had to make sure of something " ** _is your body alright?_** " he hissed not bothering to hide the worry in his voice.

"It's healing." Cailen assured him Vergil's only response was wary hum before cautiously tugging at her shirt, the brunette pulled it up to let him see the scar on her hip, Vergil's eyes had darkened dangerously as he took in the discolored flesh his thumb gently tracing over the mark as if Cailen was made of glass, only to stop his ministrations when he heard her take a sharp breath. " **Did that hurt?** " he asked watching her reaction carefully seeing the tips of her ears were pink, Cailen shook her head. "No the scar- I -I'm very sensitive there _*ahem*_ " Vergil's tail twitched curiously, he'll definitely remember that...

Vergil was brought out his thoughts by Cailen wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him into a hug this seem to put him at ease his arms found their way around her waist, Vergil buried his face into crook of her neck. "I missed you." the brunette murmured the devil rumble softly in response, it's been along time since he felt someone hug him like this... in fact it's been a long time since he's had anyone shown him physical affection. Vergil never realized how how much he missed her and how touch starved he truly was, until he started getting vague flashes of her and his human half together...

It made him jealous and angry at himself, his arms tightened around her waist, he due to his own selfishness Vergil missed out on so much. Cailen had to do a lot of things on her own, all while raising their son, luckily he was Vergil again, he had made a silent vow while in the demon world that when they returned to human world, Vergil would return to Cailen apologize for leaving her and try to make things right with her, and this time he wasn't letting go.


End file.
